Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving…

What a week…

When I was sixteen, I was asked to write a list of qualities my ideal man/partner would have, and in the last couple of months I’ve come back to it.  Looking at it helped me realise that the last couple of men in my life have been either no good for me or not what I wanted, I would really recommend it as a useful excercise to anyone who’s feeling particularly low in the love stakes at the moment.
The ideal man would be tall, funny, intelligent, confident, loyal and honest.  A hard criteria list to measure against, of which I thought there were no such men, but I’ve recently found that there are.  Granted, there are only a handful, but they are out there… you just have to go swimming.
It’s the old chestnut of there are plenty more fish in the sea, but when you’re looking for salmon and there only seem to be jellyfish around, and you find a huge gaping hole in your net, it seems a little… tough.

Point is, when you’ve bagged that bloke, where do you go from there?

The ultimate dilemma is when you’ve been burnt and hurt so much, do you let your guard down for what seems the perfect guy and ultimately run the risk of having a repeat offence, or do you keep the walls up so you can’t feel that again?
If you do, how far do you let those walls down?

Over the past week, I’ve been guilty of putting my foot on the accelerator as I think I’m so scared of losing something I want again.  While I have no doubt that I am wanted, and cared for intensely, the insecurities of my last relationship seem to haunt me.  Things that were said, things that were done, are constantly whizzing around in my mind and making this unsure period in a new relationship just that much harder.
It’s important to learn from your mistakes, and to take lessons away from past relationships, but at what point does it become intrusive rather than constructive?

When you’re with someone new, past relationships are bound to come up in conversation.  It’s probably one of the most important conversations you might have, other than the contraception talk (which coincidentally does not just consist of ‘whack it on’!).  It allows both parties to understand how things may perhaps move, and at what pace, with the new relationship.  It’s also an oppurtunity to take notes…
However, I think when this conversation does happen most people tend to forget themselves and how they might feel about their past as we are normally too busy focusing on the other party.  It’s a natural reaction to instantly dismiss any kind of pain and hurt you may still feel after you’ve moved on, it makes us feel somehow more weak to admit it.
It also worries the hell out of us that if you do acknowledge these feelings, then does that mean that you’re not over the person that created them? Are you headed for a rebound relationship? And finally, does the other person think that you’re using them to prove a point to yourself?

They’re scary, scary thoughts.  I can’t clarify these feelings for you, as I have to move through them myself first before I dole out any advice.  What I will say is don’t be scared… Let it happen.
There is a huge difference between not being ready and being terrified.  Either way, you’ll know when its right.

You can either stand on the sidelines of life, with a blurred vision, not taking part in the game or you can put on your specs and watch life snap into focus. 

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